Scott Keith's Smark Wrestlemania Rant is part of a series of reposts for this year's Wrestlemania countdown. They are republished "as is" with relevant comments at the time of writing. enjoy!
SmarK Rant of WWF Wrestlemania X-8
-Live in the center of the universe.
-Your host is JR and King
– Saliva made us waste 5 minutes that could have been used for another game. Hey, I like saliva, but I don’t pay to watch the live version of the band’s “Official Wrestlemania Theme Song”. However, I would not spend money to watch endless advertisements, and we seem to exclude them.
– Next, a nice video package to let people recall what wrestling mania means to them.
-Do you know what they need for this show? dark. If they turn off the lights like Wrestlemania VI, to create that old-school feel, instead of lighting up every seat in the house like a Christmas tree for broadcast purposes, it will be the boss. And those motorized carts took them to the stadium. That shit will never grow old.
-First game, Intercontinental Champion: William Regal v Rob Van Dam. Poor Rob-the more he gets, the lower the cards he gets. Hogan and HHH had very poor ratings, but they got a lot of support, so they were promoted, and Rob got a lot of support, but they were cancelled. Rob attacks Regal and kicks Regal back. Stand up moonsault and charge to hit the elbow. Regal chose Power of the Punch early, but Rob wisely kicked it out of his hands and got a partner. The frog splash missed and Regal knelt him down twice. Rob pressed him twice with his body. Backslide got two, but Regal came back with two suplex. Rob kicked it back again with his head, but became the victim of a sprained neck between the two. Regal hit the jaw, but Rob escaped and got a super kick, then missed Rolling Thunder. Regal and Butterfly Power Bomb duo. There are two RVD cradles. After a failed attempt, Rob slammed away and got the rolling monkey flip, but suddenly Regal got a vicious half-Nelson suplex, which seemed to almost kill Rob, but it was a good way . Regal recovered his lost knuckles, but the referee took them away. Rob finished his game with a frog splash at 6:19 and won the championship. It's almost a RAW game. **1/2
– European Championship: DDP v. Christian. I hope they have given up DDP. Christian deleted an anti-Toronto promo because I think it is very important for him to be booed 18 games after the game. Christian started to attack, but DDP knocked him down and got a blow. They went out to fight, then returned to Christian low to take over. DDP was sent to the railing, and Christian stomped him down. DDP fired back and tried to post him, but a sarcastic cruel hand inserted himself, and DDP hit the post instead. Christian began to stretch his abdomen and received two back blows. He climbed up, but was thrown off abruptly, and the clothesline was pulled up. Page gets two spin-powered bombs. Christian blocked a diamond cutter with an upside-down DDT for two people to use. He held back his temper, but got a hug from the two and the end of the diamond cutting at 6:10. The game is not hot, and a bit sloppy, but I think it's okay for the Heat main event. **1/4
– At the same time, Rock asks the coach to say his prayers. "What's wrong, G?" It was so funny.
– Hardcore Championship: Maven v. Goldust. Maven has no real meaning in Canada, just because Tough Enough was old news when we got it. Goldust attacked and threw him on the railing, then sent him to the guillotine. In the ring, Maven messed up one of his actions (dropkick) and shook two. Goldust got two people's neck saboteurs. Gourdbuster and him found a golden shovel under the ring and caused some damage. They KO each other, Spike Dudley ran in to stop Maven and won the championship at 3:18. I hate endings like this, especially on "The Biggest Show of the Year". It just makes it look like a time filler. ½*
-And now, drowning in the pool. Visually and musically, they are not much different from saliva. I guess the singer has shorter hair, but nothing more.
– In the back, Crash & Spike fought, but Hurricane sneaked in and won the championship. Well, we got this joke when it was broken into the ground 2 years ago, let's find something else to amuse the writers now.
– Not long ago, for those who just switched to other PPV channels, the Hurricanes won the championship.
-Cape Coulter v. Kane. Angle wore a huge black bodysuit, which reminded me of Superman. You know the episode of SuperFriends is entirely derived from the episode of Mirror Universe of "Star Trek", where Superman was blown up and swapped places with his evil opposite, except that all the excellent SuperFriends didn’t really notice "Wow, Superman" , It’s an all-black costume, man", and the good Superman clashes with the sneer Batman (and the hint of Harry’s beard and the evil Robin) and is locked under the water by the Krypton chain ( At the local kryptonite production special wholesaler, I guess) is using his thermal vision to somehow turn water into acid (explain that, chemistry lover) and in a totally artificial coincidence that Good SuperFriends finds that they must be fried Dissolving the chain before destroying the evil superman was at the same moment when the good superman was blown up in the mirror universe to reverse the effect? Of course, when Wonder Woman encounters the antimatter universe, the waters of SuperFriends Pseudo-Science become more turbid, which makes me, as a budding Frankenstein, spend a lot of time watching and reading comics on Saturday morning, thinking Knowing how many planes of existence can actually be supported like this before the entire universe explodes, because there is a huge logical gap in tracking who comes from which universe. But then you entered the DC Universe in the mid-80s, where you treated the multiverse and antimatter universe as two separate concepts, but is the antimatter universe also a multiverse or just an antimatter copy of Earth 1? Yes, well, anyway, Angle's black costume makes me think he is Mirror Angle (how about a clever word game?) Except that he has no evil goatee. So maybe he is the antimatter horn. Surprisingly, even though Kurt Angle is the most talented person he has seen in WWF over the years, if he is motivated and has legal sports credibility, he can get from the tin can Won an excellent game, but in fact the position in the WWF is lower. There are more cards this year than he did last year. Why is this person not the champion of WWF now? This year you will not see any tighter clothes cooler than Mirror Universe Angle anywhere else, and everyone in the building chanted "You suck!" in sync with his music. Do I have to draw you a strange chart? Angel pinned him with a bell, then slammed away, but Kane followed. Angle was stunned and stomped away. Kane stepped back abruptly, strangling his suffocation with both hands. Blindly flushing with nothing, Angle got an abdomen, a clothesline, and a background suplex of two people. The angle hits the chin, but Kane escapes sideways. Angle stayed on him two with the rolling Germans (yikes). Man, Kane will definitely play tonight. Angle chose his own version of the flying clothesline (the man expands his action set every time the game), but tried again and was found to be descending. I was thinking that the original clothesline was a mistake, he just repeated that place, but it looked good. They slammed it out, Kane got big boots and got a powerful shot from the two. Chokeslam got two. Angle to get the angle grand slam, two. Ankle, but Kane made a rope and then countered with Kanezuigiri. Kane ascended, Angle made the awesome "pop and push him off the top" position, and then they blew the finish line because Kane couldn't fully complete the reverse summary point completed for Angle at 10:51. Bit. Well, Kane tried hard again, but the strength was not good for them, which was not much better than their second game on TV. **1/2 If they follow Smackdown's ***1/2 classic storyline and let Angle do their best to win the submission, what that might mean.
– At the same time, the hurricane watched the escort, but the godfather drove him away. Hilarious followed.
– Undertaker v. Ric Flair. The talent attack began, and they immediately quarreled. Flair pounced at him, and they surrendered as soon as they returned to UT. Flair chases and gets caught up like an idiot. JR put forward the old "Flair collapsed in 1976" argument to help promote this move, but I was thinking that if it does not heal after 26 years, then he will encounter bigger problems, not just Only the post in trouble. After returning, Flair fought back, but was hit hard. Flair Flip and Taker pulled him off the apron. The recipient pounded on him and drew blood. Well, you know that will come. This will continue for a while. In the ring, more sprints. Flair just gushes out, hovering in the range of 0.5-0.6 Muta. Flair is back, but Taker will not give him anything and give him a clothesline. With their heads up, UT pulls out a super complex for two people. Wow, wrestling action. Who would think of it? Exiting again, Taker put him on the apron. It gets two. He missed the elbow, and Fryer struck back again. Taker chose ROPEWALK OF DOOM, but Flair pulled him down and was hit by two people. Taker squatted down and released bail, but Flair caught the terrible DILDO OF DILDO before it fell into the wrong hands and used it to give UT some weak shots. They rushed into the aisle and then came back because Flair made an entry point for Taker and then went down. Figure 4, but UT will not sell, and he asked for two. Then he hit the referee and grabbed the pipe, but Arn ran into a timely spine destroyer! That can only get two. The recipient beat him, but he was presided over by Fryer, and he also shrugged. He couldn't do Poochiebomb correctly, so he chose tombstone instead of finishing things at 18:45. To be honest, I admire it (two old guys played each other for 20 minutes), and it was very, very good within their DOZENS limits. But I have to say, I watched it boredly, watching Flair throw away his legacy games like this one by one. *** Not that Flair should be here, but during the preparations for the game, Taker beat up his best friend and his son, then Flair was arrested, then Flair was kicked out of the board, and finally Taker After the beating, Flair and Arn both won the game. I just don't understand the point of booking such a one-sided dispute.
– Booker T v. Edge. Of course Edge is crazy. Signs of the night: "They are fighting for shampoo!" They went all out from the beginning, Edge kicked him and got two bulldogs. Booker Spurs him twice. He dumped him and got two in the missile drop. Sweet. Booker has the best missile drop in the industry, especially for people his size, and he will never use it again. Two points were awarded for the whipping of the Grand Slam. Edge pressed him, and they messed up a top rope Rana point. It is always scary to see such actions go wrong. Edge gets a leg lasso and two Edge-o-Matic. Did they call it that recently? For those who want to email me, this is a rhetorical question-I don't actually care about the answer. The flying leg lasso gets two. Booker’s sunset flip was reversed into a catapult, but Edgie’s spear missed and Booker kicked him super. Spinarone Time. Axe kicked two. The bookend was blocked, and the spear got two. Edge tried his own spinach, and it was terrible. Is he making fun of ANGLE for being too white? The reversal sequence ends with the piercer (or any nickname of the week) at 6:31. Another RAW game. **
– At the same time, Hurricanes hid behind, but Molly opened him and won the championship. I want to say that this violates the rules of all partner behavior. You wouldn’t see Jericho doing this to Stephanie, would you?
-Scott Hall v. Steve Austin. The sacred middle card, Batman, Austin was diverted from this card. Big Poochie and Hall limped out. Austin stomped to start and got Thesz Press and FU Elbow. Hall ate the powder, so Austin chased and they quarreled. Back in the hall, there are two Hall clotheslines. When Nash pulled down the turnbuckle pad, Austin won a game, and of course Austin was whipped in. Quarreling outside and inside, Hall got his clothesline and blockbuster in the corner. Moveset was exhausted, and as the crowd began to chant "Razor", Hall recovered from stomping. Personally, I don’t understand why they didn’t choose the role of Razor Ramon. This is at least marketable and can be transformed into the image of a bad boy drug dealer in the new century. This is something they couldn’t do before. "Drop everything" era. Austin got a spine destroyer, but Hall kept avoiding. KICK WHAM STUNNER But when we fired an over-booked torpedo, Nash knocked the referee down. The outsider doubled Austin, so he gave them two stunts without a referee. Another referee was kicked out by Nash. More referees came out to send Nash to pack. Before the real deal in Austin ended the pain at 9:51, the other stunner was reversed to the Scott Hole stunner, who got two. Of course I've watched Scott Hall's bad game in WCW, but Austin had better wrestle on its own. * Now that Hall’s useful PPV showdown is over, please find him and start working immediately.
– Axxxxxxcccessss video. I'm never sure how many extra letters they threw there to get popular, so I think I'll be safer.
– WWF tag title matching: Billy & Chuck v. The Dudley Boyz v. The APA v. The Hardy Boyz. Saliva made a live version of the Dudleyz theme, and I still like it. Bradshaw started with Chuck, but was double-teamed. He slammed Billy and slammed Chuck. Faarooq comes in and gets help from the champion. Billy gets two. Faarooq slammed him, Bradshaw cleaned the room like a French maid, but Billy warned D-Von. APA will also clean him up. Heck on Billy's clothesline, but Bradshaw walked into 3D at 3:25. What's the point of even letting them there? Hardyz doubles with the usual D-Von, and Jeff gets two. Chuck did the same, and Dudleyz went to get the wood. Hardyz and Dudleyz quarreled outside until Jeff and Bubba returned to Jeff's corkscrew. He stopped to hit Stacey, apparently ignorant of her ass. Gee, how about that? Billy & Bubba (sounds like Hardyz's long-lost cousin) double-teamed Jeff and Bubba to choke him with their jerseys. Jeff has no skin pigmentation and muscle lines at all, which may indicate why he always left his shirt on it. Seriously, Jeff, for your own health-like Mick Ferry, gain some weight to absorb the effects of those bumps. Bubba beat Jeff twice, then bumped his jaw. D-Von hit him twice with an elbow. Suplex gets two. Baba made the nut stomping of the old Tommy Dreamer, but Matt broke it. Jeff reverses DDT when JR and Kim do their "we are so boring, we will talk about anything to avoid calling it a mess". The popular label Matt, it threatened to become BONZO GONZO, but he was stunned. Bubba missed the sentry because JR became very desperate and started joking about how he might kill that person if Bubba hits that person. When he was bored, he often made the same jokes to Arn Anderson. Matt got two Yordellin legs. Dudleyz set up Whazzup, but D-Von was pushed to the table, twisting of fate/Swanton ended Bubba at 11:48. Chuck kicked Matt both super super. Billy abandoned Jeff, but Matt returned in the movement with two people's poems. Swanton changed Chuck, but Dumbasser got two. Billy used Jeff's belt to finish the game at 13:50. What an abomination. They desperately need to do something with the labeling department, because it is too bad and it is the most boring Hardyz-Dudleyz duel in a long time. ½*These behaviors are now so old that they are actively harming everyone involved. I still think the solution is a double turn for the Z team. In this case, it's easy: APA and Hardyz go fast, leaving Dudleyz hit by the champion for most of the game until the fans cheer for them by default, and then when Bubba gets the hot tag, they can do them All baby faces (Whazzup, D-Von Get the Tables) then turn on their own. Hell, no one would mind cheering for Stacey. Then when they went to play 3D, the jealous Hardy Boyz ran away and let them lose the game. The most important thing is to prevent them from putting Chuck or Billy on the table, bingo game, double turn, both teams immediately again Fresh and interesting. This is not rocket science, Jethro.
– At the same time, outsiders conspired against the Rocks, but Hogan called them to a halt.
– At the same time, Molly hit a door and Christian won the championship.
"Oh oh! Ah! It always starts like this. Then it runs and screams."
– Ian Malcolm, The Lost World, describes the next game.
– The Rock v. Hulk Hogan. I think this is a game, no matter where I go, it will make me hate mail. I thought this would last until the end, because it was promoted to the main event and all. Hogan won the MONSTER pop music because I was worried about the future of mankind again. Rock and roll got a big heel pop. Hogan won the suspension and the crowd broke out. JR interprets this as a "mixed reaction". If they are booing rock, I don't want to hear their voices. Hogan punched hard and got the clothesline, but he shook his forearm back and was scorched by the crowd. This is simply vicious. The fierce competition and rock and roll knocked Hogan down. Come back, rock with a lasso, but the bottom of the rock is blocked. Hogan gets an elbow blow. Hogan's limp became very obvious. Background suplex gets two. The abdomen is stretched and rolled up to get two. Man, that was his rear stunt in the WCW v. nWo World Tour, but that was the first time I saw him use it in real life in the past 20 years. Hogan went to BACKRAKES OF DOOM (Rock sold it as if he was caught by the nail of Master Sinanju), and of course the crowd ate it up. The rock chopped him down, but Hogan choked him for a while. The rock was thrown out, and Hogan beat him outside. The table is prepared but not used. When he came back, the referee hit him. Locke got the spine destroyer and sharpshooter. There was no referee, but the heel reacted very much. Oh my God, Toronto, just because the Leafs are bad, don't put it on someone who can win big names. The crowd turned completely to rock, so Hogan went down and got a huge facial pop, then used his own rock bottom to make two. Hogan used the belt, but Locke DDT hit him and immediately retaliated. JR still insisted that the reaction was mixed. Such things make him sound like Tony Shavoni. Hulk time. It's really sad to see Hogan, 75, act as if his behavior doesn't mean nostalgia. Big boot and STINKY WART-INFESTED GIANT-KILLING LEGDROP OF DOOM, but Rock kicked out at two points. They were big boots again, but the pads missed. Rock gave him two Rock Bottoms and finished People's Elbow at 16:22. It was one of the worst games I have ever seen-I must admit that even I cheered for Locke (more than usual) and entered it even at the end of the game. The game itself, as a game, is very scary, but the booking is very good, and both of them are very happy to participate in the game, so I call it **. Before all the Hulkamorons started to write letters and complain about what a terrible game, because they were so entertained by it, please try to go back and watch the Hogan-Warrior in 1990. This is a similarly structured game, not only has its characteristics and is better. The storyline, but there are also some psychological and more credible offenses. They did their best to polish the well-known feces here, but after months of quarreling with each other between Angle and Austin, Hogan's backward leaning and suffocation did not provide me with entertainment.
– Afterwards, Hogan and Rock are amiable. Probably Hogan is "I'm sorry, attempted murder, brother", Rock is all "It's cool, I didn't sell the hurt anyway", and they shook hands. Locke encourages Hogan to pose (what, isn't it a "real American"?) but the treacherous outsider comes out to attack Hogan, allowing Locke to make a save. Well, there is a rebound. One month may seem like a very rapid nWo split, but they need to squeeze every dividend from Hogan's aging behavior before Hogan's aging behavior is killed by the Lord of the Rings, so look for 17 rounds from now to then.
-Women's Championship: Jazz v. Lita v. Trish. The game was over when I arrived, and I had to follow the Rock-Hogan game. I'm talking more dead than David Caruso's career. Trish is all maple leaves, but even this doesn't work. Trish and Lita started with jazz music. Jazz got half a crab on Trish and a flying hammer on Lita. Legdrop got two. Butterfly suplex, but Lita thumped with the worst fist in wrestling. I don't understand the meaning of the chicks punching—you know, the phrase "fight like a girl" didn't happen by accident. Lita has two Headscissors and background suplex. Jazz hit her and they raised their heads, but Trish pulled Jazz down and hugged them. Rita pressed Tricy tightly, but she flipped it twice. The bulldog gets two. The Jazz splashed Rita twice. Jazz Stinger scored two points on Trish. Trish DDTs Jazz two people. Trish & Lita threw it out, but Lita got a twist of fate, and then missed the moon churn. Trish is the cradle of two people. Everyone was out, but Trish put the Jazz back by two people. Lita dumped Jazz, but Trish crotched. Lita rose, but also got his crotch. The Jazz ended her game with a Jazz Stinger at 6:15. The crowd of dead people, the terrifying offense and the chaotic structure make the tag headline match look coherent. almost. ½*
– At the same time, Christian got into a taxi, but Maven attacked him and regained the title. I have nothing to add to the entire saga, you may not be able to guess yourself.
– WWF Championship: Chris Jericho v. HHH. Drowning Pool made their awesome HHH theme version to play his role. Surprisingly, Stephanie did not have her own entrance. Although dressed like Doink the clown tonight, Jericho's face is still very beautiful. The lock sequence begins and HHH gets the background. A pair of clothesline and Jericho chopped off, but ate the knee. However, it hurts the leg because HHH's quad is hung by a wire, and he is the son of the bravest bitch JR has ever seen. No matter what you say, Tony. Jericho dumped him. HHH came back and put him on the railing, then pressed him to the floor. The table was ready, but Jericho wisely decided to kick his leg out of it, and then returned to the ring. HHH stabbed him with a spear and worked on Jericho's right hind leg. Picture four, but Stephen broke it. HHH caught her, Jericho rushed forward and accidentally knocked her off the apron. HHH searched for her elusive pedigree, but Jericho stopped it with a missile shot. Back on her lap, Stephanie stretched out a hand. RINGPOST picture four~! HHH fought back, but Jericho gained a foothold in the deadlock and rotation of the Indians. To quote Sideshow Mel, "He kicked it to the old school!" HHH sent him to escape and got a spoiler. Jericho stayed on his lap. HHH Lasso gets two. Facebuster hurt his leg again, but he still avoided Jericho. Spinebuster got two. Jericho threw him over and prepared the table. Walls was blocked, but HHH's pedigree was turned upside down, allowing him to cross the Spanish table. Back in the game, Lionsault got two. No one even bought it when it was about to come. The walls of Jericho were blocked again. The lineage is reversed to the wall, and inevitably HHH makes the rope after the appropriate dramatic interval. Oh my God, it feels like two people walking through the scene in front of a cold crowd. Jericho grabbed a chair, but dripped DDT on it. Stephanie stepped in again, this time HHH gained the pedigree, but the crowd was so exhausted that it made no sense. Jericho got two chair opportunities (why didn't he hit his knees?) but HHH quickly ended with a pedigree, winning the championship at 18:41. The beautiful anti-climax is over. It's as exciting as one person kicking another person in the leg for 18 minutes. In addition, the psychology did not consider the ending. JR is an annoying shit, screaming every 5 seconds about how Jericho will end HHH's career until it is obvious that he is going to work. ***1/4 Again, HHH has not had a really good game since his surgery, and he has no excuses to "recover his time" or any other BS they want after the three months of ringing time He couldn't keep up after taking time to cover. I like HHH, but this baby-faced running is just screaming "disaster". If I want to see him only do facial destruction and high knee exercises in 15 minutes and sell knee injuries, I will build a time machine and go back to 1998 .
Bottom line: This show has received some very enthusiastic praise from many commonly used websites. Although I can see where some of them come from, I cannot prove that I give it any better reason than "thumbs." From the perspective of work efficiency From a point of view, there are no great games, and some of them are downright horrible. This is really a performance that can easily be delayed for an hour. Sometimes less is more.
It's not that I don't like this show because I like it. It's fun to watch, but it's the same for Smackdown most of the week, and the game quality of non-big-name games is about the same. For my 45 dollars canned food. (Yes, that’s what they charge here), especially for wrestling fans, I’m looking forward to Bikane and Kurt Anger completing a stupid summary in a meaningless match More special things, do you know?
Tags: Hulk Hogan, Scott Keith, SmarK Rant, Rock, Wrestling Fever 18
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